Happy new year

Location final Easter eggs still disputed ...

ITC SBMS launched

SBMS03

Privacy alert!
Today at 9:00AM the recently installed Smoke Break Monitoring System was activated. Through a number of skillfully hidden cameras smoking behaviour near the rear building entrance is being observed during opening hours. One of our MS-windows-hating-ubuntu-hacking-Steve-Jobs-groupies managed to find a open socket at the camera address: http://utwente.sbms.nl:8080
and managed to download a couple of frames before ICTS plugged the hole. Our hack team is however confident they will be able to spoof ICTS's best efforts and be able to retrieve more evidence in the near future. As the virtually undetectable cameras have yet to be found the FMT still hides behind plausible deniability. We have however noticed that the Dean's wife is no longer smoking in view of these cameras...

SMBS01

SBMS02

Disrespect

Punching someone in the face after repeatedly showing disrespect for authority or society will get you fired. Somehow. Strange world we live in. Strange faculty for that part as well. Refusing to change the way you work will not harm your position and it's only a mere rumour now that refusing to obtain your UTQ might get you in harms way. We're glued pretty comfy to our office seats. You either need to syphon millions to an off-shore account or use the departmental smart card on a vending machine to get sacked around here.
So how about trying to kill your co-workers? Would that be a reason to at least receive a stern warning? The blatant disrespect for coworkers and fellow students that smokers display in front of the building entrance is staggering. We can understand that as you are adding extra breaks to your workday you don't want to waste time walking too far. But why smoke almost on top of the ridiculously large sign saying not smoke there? To what extent is this nothing else than putting up a middle-finger to your employer and colleagues? Even 4 metres is too far, where other faculties observe a 15 meter restriction. Bloody well read the message on the package again and continue killing yourself in a spot where you don't affect others.
The eloquent J. Clarkson has suggested before to have people publicly executed for lesser offences. We will not be such extremists. We will organise our own ice-bucket challenge. Next week there will be buckets placed on the bridge with which people can fetch water from the pond to douse any fire lit within 10 metres of the entrance.

General announcement

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that we report the demise of Sir Basil, Lord of the Manor, Slayer of Mice, Chaser of Dogs and Thrower of Parties. Most of us who have had the honour to meet Sir Basil know that we were just squeaky toys and implements in the greater scheme of one of his nine lives. Our thoughts however are now with those who served Sir Basil during these lives for weeks, months or decades.

Voortsweg 299 will never be the same again.

 

UT in full Dunglish in two years ...

According to the recently retired Marty Miller the Dutch English accent is best understood English world-wide. This means there is still hope for the UT to achieve it's goal to provide education fully in English by 2018. As ITC's internationalisation experience is ruling UT governance, objections by the URaad to achieve this goal (because of sheer lack of language skills among staff to achieve proper B levels) will be swept from the table. One just needs to use his farmers knowledge to see coming that a strong Dunglish vocabulary will also be added to the prerequisites of the English proficiency tests. UT will break through internationally as after all we are an undertaking University. Make that the cat wise! In any case, at ITC we have the lot in order, so it shall us be a sausage. it is but that you know it.

A sudden burst of affection

Friday the 13th was the date and in the aftermath of the Great Marty Miller Exit Fair a love supreme atmosphere remained in the ITC building. Under a warm blanket of speeches ("we can say a lot about the past but we won't") the Dean and his wife, together with Ed Drinksma, Sjaak-"Fiddler"-Beerens and someone who was in too many different boards of ITC, said very decently farewell to the Miller era.
The wilting restaurant flowers spawned hearts in the morning and joyful smiles and kisses were beaming towards staff and students from all corners of the building. Facility management also made very loving expressions over the amount of cell-o-tape used to attach all the different utterances of affection to the doors.
Love is in the air. It's apparent that the ITC student population is getting younger and now with the addition of the many Saxion students early spring is clearly causing hormonal uprising. 
Oh, what the hell: "we heart you too, stupid idiots"

Happy New Year

Het Academisch Manifest

De universiteit is bezet – niet (zoals in 1969) door inspraak eisende studenten, maar dit keer door de veelkoppige wolf van het Management. Die heeft de academie gekoloniseerd met een huurlingenleger van professionele bestuurders, gewapend met spreadsheets, outputindicatoren en auditprocedures, onder luidkeelse begeleiding van de Efficiëntie- & Excellentiemars.
Het Management heeft daarbij de academicus tot interne vijand uitgeroepen: hij moet voortdurend worden gewantrouwd, getest en gecontroleerd, onder de permanente dreiging van reorganisatie, opheffing en ontslag. De wetenschappers laten zich daarbij gedwee tegen elkaar uitspelen, als angstige, makke schapen, die enkel hopen zelf nog de dans te ontspringen door hun buurman op het cruciale moment een slag voor te zijn. Om controle te houden zet de wolf de meest absurde middelen in, zoals geldverslindende hele en halve fusies, steeds verfijndere en dus kostbare  verantwoordingssystemen en peperdure prestigeprojecten ... [full article] [summary and interview]

WILLEM HALFFMAN & HANS RADDER

HET ACADEMISCH MANIFEST
VAN EEN BEZETTE NAAR EEN PUBLIEKE UNIVERSITEIT
Krisis, 2013, Issue 3 www.krisis.eu

Achievement



In a year where turn of the century technology is used to successfully land a washing machine on a rotating piece of rock from a distance of 500,000,000 kilometres we see a single dilapidated crane on the back of a typical third world truck as the only available tool to assist the forensic recovery of aircraft parts. Spared no expense, just that math and physics are remote from politics when it doesn't concern resource allocation. Thirty odd years ago at a coffee table scientists started to seriously discuss the possibility of investigating the origins of life by landing on a comet. One can imagine a few bureaucrats and politicians needed to be convinced before green light was given and then the planning and construction could start. Imagine the plan was okayed and the scientists could go to work, first thing was to plan ahead, they would only launch their contraption in about 20 years and results of their endeavour would only come after their retirement. Incredible.


Rosetta Spread sheet

You wonder how these wonderful minds were facilitated in their offices. Would the unit managers and flight directors have to book their own rooms? and when they did would they need to do this using a macroed spread sheet (sheet spread) because the booking system in Noordwijk did not match the booking system of Darmstadt? Would they for each room and time slot need to indicate whether they required a white board (rocket scientists use whiteboards don't they? and overheads, not beamers) and the ability to change furniture about? or wheelchair access? I would imagine there was a person in the team who just made this happen, in the background, either politely asking what was required for different occasions and meanwhile observing if some things could be improved and make suggestions for this. Once the scientists went to work, admin and facilities were there for them to work, not the other way around. Achievement was measured on output, not on calculated meeting hours or used furniture. This meant these people could work for years on end to arrive at one of mankinds greatest scientific achievments to date.

ITC has finally moved to the Campus

De Twentsche Courant Tubantia 03/09/2014

Tijdelijk aan de Hengelosestraat
 
ENSCHEDE – De spoorlijn (links) maakt het iets gemakkelijker om te achterhalen wat hier is te zien. In het hart is het pand van Menzis met zijn opvallende rondingen te zien. Daar achter het bijzondere ITC-schoolgebouw waar nu tijdelijk studenten van Saxion zitten. Het ITC is verhuisd naar de campus van de UT. Beide gebouwen staan aan de Hengelosestraat. Rechtsonder de vroegere brandweerkazerne met zijn opvallende toren. Ook hier trekt een tijdelijke gebruiker in: de politie. Die zit hier voor een jaar omdat het politiebureau wordt verbouwd. foto Lars Smook

"Darling, ... could you please go online to the UT website and check for my new campus address? ... oh yes, and would you please remind me later today to write to Tubantia and cancel our subscription?"

Counting the days

Morons

Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium.

This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass."

Time to integrate

and become aware of what is really going on at UT: http://flutnieuws.nl/

As predicted

As we now have a new head of State at the campus, it was expected that sooner or later a so called "sudden decision" to move ITC to somewhere on campus would be taken. Every new management has to show its resolve and set the range of the pissing contest. The only real interesting piece of news we are waiting for is the forthcoming announcement that CvB and UT admin will move to Hengelosestraat 99. HE whose name shall not be pronounced in German recently visited ITC and he saw that it was good. Having a CvB chair with knee-deep affiliation with Architecture (capital A), and following the proposal that ITC should move to "de Spiegel", it seems only obvious that a building switch will be announced.

WTF OMG COFFEEEE!

 

21-01-2014 @ 8:47 the coffee machine was truly operational. We cherish our coveted cup of black gold. Our day has started well. But a "Dutch meal" on the restaurant menu doesn't mean it's winter yet. We will continue our fieldwork...

No Bieb no more

 Bye bye to the Bieb. The next victim of physical integration. No more Library at ITC. We've seen them throw their books out of the window, now they are officially removed from the building, all records erased.

WTF? why is there never coffee on arrival?

Good morning ITC! Did you have a good night sleep? Are you a happy bunny today ready for work?
"Sure, after I've had my first good cup of coffee that is!"
Working from the premise of purely academic theory we like to hypothesise that entrepreneurs in coffee like to make money by selling coffee. We therefore construct a framework on the basis of that assumption which leads us to predict that coffee will be served when clientele is at peak levels, hence optimising revenue while obtaining high customer satisfaction. Classic win-win.
Somehow however in this building there is no good cup of coffee available between 8 am and 9 am. Only classical "Fosso" is available and seriously, our duck pond water tastes better. What has created this business model where whenever you arrive in the morning the coffee machine is offline?! Why is management driving staff to sneak nespresso machines into their offices?
We will now be at your service. We will try to empirically discern whether there is a pattern of simple bad luck at play or malicious intent to prevent coffee craving staff to enjoy a cup of serious goodness.While we're at it, let's make it some of that good old softy participatory business from the third floor. Here is the start of our participatory-crowdsourced-coffee-machine-maintenance-schedule-monitoring-fieldwork. Please submit the times you find the true coffee machine offline here. on the basis of the crowdsourced data we will make a helluva sophisticated "gap" analysis informing you of the highest probability of obtaining a good cup of coffee.

17-01-14 no coffee @ 8:43am 

Academipelago

================================================================
Letter to the ducktor  (yes we got mail!)
 
If you also have anything intelligible to share, do submit to itcblog@outlook.com and we will publish with due ducktorship.
================================================================
From the indigenous people of Itcland:

Island thoughts

“Mensen die nog aan de Hengelosestraat (ITC) werken, vormen toch een soort eilandje”… “De afstand tot de UT is letterlijk en figuurlijk te groot” (UT Nieuws, november 2013)

 

Dear UT-ists, knowledgeable or ignorant of ITC, we salute you,

There exists a considered and considerable vision for ITC to join with the rest of the UT. It was decided with great consideration, drinks and dinner that being in close proximity to each other would promote cooperation. Sure. This is clear from the fact that within any faculty the various departments know very well what everyone else is up to and that on campus faculties who live closest together develop most cooperation. Highly esteemed opponents: we beg to differ.

At least, according to experience of ITC we know that without coffee machines there is no communication. If there were no regular coffee breaks at ITC no one, except the highly learned opponents, would know how everybody is interfering with each other. In addition, ITC is a small village full of gossip where the Dean’s wife cannot even move her car without everyone knowing. Therefore quickly deducing given the absence of fixed gossip breaks or continuity of governance, at other faculties internal communication is expected not to be any better than at ITC.

Closeness is also not nurtured at the Campus. The magnetism of the Spiegel is reversed, repulsing stronger any object that draws closer. Perhaps therefore, in the past four years, ITC did not feel very much attracted to the Campus. What does it have to offer? In many cases only a reinvention of the wheel or a duplication of (administrative) effort. ITC has traditionally stronger ties with departments and faculties in Delft , Wageningen and Amsterdam than with those in Drienerlo. These ties have intentionally been macerated somewhat to allow for more intensive local engagement, but well, what a warm welcome did we get. In the most strategic reviews of the UT ITC still missing. The partnerships and ties that the ITC does have with the UT mostly predate the merger. Meanwhile ITC is doing fairly well financially under stable governance. Most of its internal procedures have been adapted to the UT model and the work continues. The island looks to be in quite a good shape as seen from both inside and out. The other faculties have their own problems. But they are islands just as well.

 

The UT is a neat archipelago with each island boasting its own population, flora, fauna and resources. There are ferry services and pipelines between the islands and there is a communication infrastructure. In the rare event that islanders physically have to another island the distance between the islands matter only little. It's all possible by car, boat, plane or bike in a few minutes, and most trips are made from the mainland in any case, because they mostly work from home. The ITC island however lies closest to the mainland. Closer to the station, near to government, even closer to the societal relevance we dare say. Step of the ITC island and you're in the middle of town, step out of the Spiegel and you're on an industrial estate. Perhaps the ITC offers an opportunity to the UT. It could bring UT closer to the global society. Near ITC there is a direct train to internationalization, Eastward to Europe and beyond to where otherwise be dragons AND West venturing far beyond Vriezenveen. The Island looks pretty representative. The island also has some room to spare (if need be we will evict a few non-indigenous people) so the other islands can locate trading posts there. Call it the UT City Campus, put some student housing nearby (ah right, we already have that covered) and see it as a "stepping stone" to the rest of Drienerlo to pollinate the campus from the heart of Enschede. Like!

The ITC definitely would like to become part of the UT archipelago. Of course we also see merit in this merger. But we do get the feeling that some of the archipelago’s inhabitants, some of them even indigenous to Itcland, still have a bit of a strange worldview. Strange interpretations of geography or the mechanismas of inter-island enterprise. Like regarding to what revolves around what or to who depends on who? The largest island of the archipelago is probably inhabited by the service departments and their concern(ed)directorates. This could have given some of their inhabitants the impression they are also on the most important island. Consequently faculties are then mobilized to achieve the goals of the services rather than the other way around. Perhaps in their greatness they therefore also assume to know what is good for the other islands. ICT then prescribes the choice of hard and software for researchers and FM determines the layout of the classrooms for teachers.

But nevertheless experience shows that each faculty arranges her affairs differently. Each faculty has made its own island by-laws, creating almost more political governance structures in the archipelago than there are in the Netherlands Antilles, anarchy included. There is probably no faculty that meanwhile has conformed so well to the UT processes and regulations as has ITC. We are committed to be the most diligent pupil in class, so much do we like to become part of the archipellago.

But in view of the above, why this fixation on total assimilation? Why must travel rules for Hanoi be equalized with that of Münster? Why trade an A-location in the city for a dilapidated and abandoned building on campus? Let each island do what it does best, and let each service do what it does best to make the islands flourish and achieve their goals. ITC has a few niche areas of excellence in education and research, particularly in the international arena. It has invested in that longer than UT even exists. If it somehow appears that a few procedures are not directly applicable to this island, or when the residents feel they have good reason to redesigning their home to their standards, so what? Let them be, respect the knowledge and experience of the local population and have trust in the knowledge that this will help them achieving their goals and that of the great Academipelago of Twente.

 

The indigenous people of Itcland

 

To our Urban Sociopaths

Here's some good old-fashioned academic work for the more sociopathic scientists among us.

We suggest adding this to the MSc topic list for next year as it will allow for low cost fieldwork:  there are still quite a few haunted buildings available at the campus where we can move to.

 

"For bodies –cities theory, zombies offer a manifestation of the mutuality between bodies and cities that foregrounds corporeality while articulating the importance of difference and otherness for the constitution of bodies and cities." WTF??! Core modules anyone?

Not the new logo of UT ?

 

ITC on top. We say LIKE!

 

Anyway, much better than the other Facebook page.

Today is ...

 

And consequently we will later this week enjoy ... 

 

So United Toilet workers, Make an extra effort when you're on the crapper. Or better still: squat wherever there is no toilet but there is the urge to defecate and leave a lasting impression.

It's for a better world.


"Groote Boodschap ... Groote Boodschap"

"kleine boodschap"

Breaking NEWS! People read UT News

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Are you lost? contact a Pshrink

 

We generally approve of these good attempts of unintelligible humour 

 

 



New travel expense rules

Career development by acronym

Always good to know that the FFNT,  DEWIS and WISE-Network together with LNVH are pleased to invite us to the first ever international 3TU live stream conference.
Still we get the idea that more time is spent on the acronyms than on actual career development ...
Question: does preaching to the converted solve the problem of gender imbalance?  Somehow we smell a male dominated idea behind this.

Any similarity is purely non-coincidental

Decision makers

To be insured or not be insured, that's the question

What's the value of an UT employee abroad? in our assessment? Peanuts.
Let us provide an overview of how appreciatieve the CvB is of our work in the average Banana Republic:

Business Travel Insurance

maximum duration of journey 365 days (nevertheless you need to apply for new insurance for each trip)

Legal aid in relation to the person:

·       Outside of Europe, for one event..................................................................................... €          5.000,--
(In short, your attorney get's as much as your widow(er)).

EDIT: due to incompetent file management, those staff only speaking English were worth 5000 Euro's while your Undutchable colleagues were valued at 50,000 Euro's.
Due to the strong influence of this Blog (resistance is futile!) decision makers have had to yield and plead guilty of cluelesness. Once again we have been able to level the playing field: now everybody is equally under valued.

Accidents:

In Case of death (A)...............................................................................................................€             5.000,--  
In case of permanent total disability (B)................................................................................ €          62.500,--

in virtue of section Medical expense.
·       Expenses outside of the Netherlands............................................................................. amount of expenses
·       Dental expenses................................................................................................................. €           750,-

Luggage: total........................................................................................................................... €          1500,--
with a maximum payment for:
·       Photo, sound/audio/ video equipment............................................................................                 50%

(if anyone knows a good address where Commander Horn can buy a new Leica for €750, - do let us know)

·       per set(Sun) glasses of contact lenses...........................................................................                  10%

(even Specsavers doesn't offer new glasses for € 150, -)

·       Removable car radio..........................................................................................................             10%

(I always take my car radio abroad)

·       (Car) telecommunication equipment..............................................................................                10%

(if anyone knows a good address where the Gadgetmen can buy a a new smartphone for €150, - do let us know)

·       False teeth and dental plates............................................................................................              10%

·       Gifts for business connections, only if in the luggage at the time of departure ......                     10%

(well, that's amply covered then)

·       Objects acquired during the trip.......................................................................................             10%

 (That means no more shopping for the Dean's Wife)

·       Purchase “emergency luggage”......................................................................................              20%

·       Travelling documents ........................................................................................................ amount of expenses

Cash en Cheques:................................................................................................................... €          500,--
(that means an offshore bank account in each country)

Computer equipment (software included) ......................................................................  €            5.000,--

(Computer equipment is not covered if taken by any other way than hand luggage)

The list goes on and on with useless items, but we just wish to make a point, that there is actually no point. Any ordinary life insurance advises in case of death to allow for a three year recovery period in family income. UT allows one UHD annual salary for the family of a vegetable, but only one monthly salary for a widow(er). The old ITC insurance would provide €200K in case of a deceased emloyee (and €125K in case of permanent disability) Talk about "depreciation" of staff. 

 Err, where were the people responsible of this decision when it was presented to staff? Oh right. it wasn't presented anywhere. We had to ask for it.

Our advice: Leave your stuff at home, don’t get injured and don’t die. Otherwise die before October 31st or make sure you book the fees for a life insureance policy on the right OFI number: 930.34404 or 930.13001.

 

Have a nice trip :-)

New exit strategy

Recently observed on the West Wing: the latest strategic implement to let go temporary staff ... (it is advised to check your insurance policy before entering the third floor)

Google brother is also watching us

Somehow when you use internet at work you suspect that it's not only the Dean and his wife monitoring you. Indeed. Google is not only monitoring you but also your workplace. You can easily check this through the popo-up ads that appear when you watch online videos of ITC.

They know we fly a lot and do mappy stuff 

 



and although the directorate thinks we believe in fairy tales everybody knows financially we're in a shit state 

 But big brother also is aware that you are getting annoyed with the crowded elevators filled with noisy saxionists

You are also warned by Adsense that after all this youtubing the Dean and his wife have an file on you ...

We have over-shot

Somehow we all felt it. Yesterday. Some thought it was the end of Summer, others thought the mild tremor came from a door being slammed somewhere on the first floor. But it was Earth Overshoot Day. What? Earth-Over-Shoot-Day. 

Yesterday humanity’s annual demand on nature exceeds what Earth can renew in a year. In just 7 months and 20 days, we have demanded a level of ecological resources and services — from food and raw materials to sequestering carbon dioxide from fossil fuel emissions — equivalent to what Earth can regenerate for all of 2013. Humanity has exhausted nature’s budget for the year. Thus for the rest of the year, we are operating in overshoot. Lesson here!

In 1961, humanity used only about two-thirds of Earth’s available ecological resources. Back then, most countries had ecological reserves. Not the Dutch however they were already way off the scale then, already consuming more than five times the size of NL for decades. Probably ITC's occupation of the Twentec towers added quite a bit to the glocbal resource depletion. With our new eco-building we have redeemed ourselves a bit until the day Niek Renger's Energy Mirror cracked. Now we have started to bring letters by car from the post office to Drienerlo to ITC, mailordering individual staples from Staples and we bring 150 students to 50 teachers.

2012 National Footprint Accounts (boring) show humanity is now using ecological resources and services at a rate it would take just over 1.5 Earths to renew. We are on track to require the resources of two Earths well before mid-century. So we should Act. We can turn the tide (hahahahaha LOL ROFL). DOOM! Ladies and Gentlemen, DOOM. noting else awaits us. Before we are shipped to a harsh and efficient Campus location the Eco-creditors of the Earth (those guys having the Amazon or lots of pine trees) will have depleted themselves as well and there is nothing left for us to do than perish. We will make an effort to grow our own tofu in the garden, rice and fish from the pond, forget beef, forget coffee (Ricoffee rations will be imported by students).

Sorry, but it's only reality.

Maslow updated for modern academics

Row, row, row your boat ...

Laundry day

Everybody needs freshing up now and then ...

Anton Pieckerig ?!?

Het Anton Pieck-achtige ITC

Hoezo Anton Pieckerig?
Wij kunnen ons uiteraard wel voorstellen wie Holle Bolle Gijs en Lange Jan zijn.
Maar verder vinden wij deze vergelijking één Grote Boodschap.

Let us pray

 

Our Lords who reside in De Spiegel

Chair and Rector be thy name

Provide us with our departmental funding

So we can develop initial Masters

Lead us away from internationalisation

And subject us to your overhead

Deliver us to the Campus

Away from this evil building

 

OR

Row, row, row, your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
ITC is just a Dream

Instellingstoets.

Several ducks in the pond were looking for information about the "instellingstoets" ('settings key' in English. [ed]), but they only found an interesting video that informed on several sideways related topics, e.g.: how to look uncomfortably into the camera, or, how tell an uncompelling story, or, how to bore the hell out of people, or, how to walk pointlessly through a building ...

Not the Module Evaluation form

Anas Thermae Mundi

Do you travel? Got Ducks? Let us see how you can spread the Not the ITC Duck fever. From your travels to misty, sun filled, or cold and dark places, report your encounters with Anas Thermae Mundi, the Not so common Travelling Bath Duck. All entries will go into our Hall of Duck fame.
Send your submissions to: itcblog@outlook.com and btor@itc.nl
Here's our first entry as a peek to what you should be looking for.
(For newbies in the Duck capturing scene: RoflDB can provide spotting tips.)

 

No ducks were harmed while taking this photograph